im still deciding if i should open this blog fully....cuz im kinda goin crazy here talking to myself.. hehe lol... this is not my diary but its just thoughts that goes through my head.. i mean... this isnt my deeper and inner self talking...
ever since i was young i always showed to people that i dont really get romantically involve and that i dont really care about how the guy feels... i was simply what you call a temporary insanity kind of girl... i mean i wanted to be.....*less hurts and pains...
i know i told the guys i use to be with that i totally gave my whole heart to him or i would wait for you or every corny things you can think of..... but what was so weird is that everytime i said something like that.. it felt like a thorn was poking me and i had that bad feeling that i always have when i lie... and the worst part of it all i was always forcing myself to say it just for that the guys benefit...someone once asked me " why are you ashamed" (and i stood there looking at him totally confuse and trying to walk away or starting that convo with him)... this guy knew me more than i knew myself... and i knew him more than he knows himself too.... hehe
im shameful when it comes to saying what i feel... thats why so often i get hurt because i cant seem to show it... there was this guy who told me "let me read your mind" and i was waiting for him to read it but then he gave up... he said it was hard....but i knew he knew and i didnt have to ask...
not expressing true emotions is like a relfex... its telling my body that its not right dont do that... i can flirt with guys and even convince them to spend their money for me... but i cant express what i trully feel....(weird right?)....they say you dont deserve to be in love without sounding stupid... but then i always though that when you sound stupid you'll feel stupid...people are ashamed taking money from guys... but for me i say "thank you " and i walk away...there was only one guy who actually had the nerve to say " you gold digger".... which hurted a bit deep down inside in the part where i put i dont care feelings....
thats enough with my blabbering.. il be back tomorrow with more stupid... thoughts... ;)
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Hello people of the world..as you read my very own entries that contain my own personal thoughts and emotions....you should be informed that my name is Kimliciouz and i am ME... have fun mwah