now that school is ending, it feels like everything is falling down...everything and everyone is pushing away.. is it them or is it me...??? well shit happens...and i always forget to stand back and take that deep breath that u need wen u need it....

i tried as hard as i could to be away from every problem, drama and shitty things.. but i realized that it just made me become weaker and weaker and inside...no matter how many sports i played or how many dances i danced.. what i felt before was the need to fall so i can prove myself and everybody else i was strong...

now im here still denying wat hurts and wat im feeling...for im not comfortable crying over something or for someone cuz i still think its stupid...although this ache inside just wants me too...but i refuse too..i dont want to breakdown i dont want to feel the pain...i want to prove the feeling wrong..but i guess u cant... you have to take it away from you somehow and just hold someone's hand and cry.....what im still asking myself tho....what did i do to make me feel like this now? and not before?...
this past 2 weeks i had busied myself.....and searched for other problems to worry about than my own...i also tried to stay as far away from my fone and from pressing that green call button.. (although i did call just once).. but why does it have to hurt this bad if i know im doing it for my own good...how would it be wen u dont even have the choice to press that green button anymore...why ddnt i jus listen to what kyle told me.. and why did i let it get this far....why did i have to make that much memories...why do i even CARE???!!...

all i know is that i gotta smile cuz i deserve to....tho i know sooner or later i gotta find another person who i can relate and feel comfortable with.. cuz in days the person i have will be gone.. or his already gone...